Saturday, July 30, 2011

Two months

Its been two months. two months since i left everything behind.

The decision was made drastically, without a plan, without thinking the pros and cons.

Its maybe because, i cant stand it any longer. Its maybe because, i can face this any further.
Seriously, the decision was made by me, under uncontrolled emotion, with a lot of pressure, and for sure, with a serious pain which i cant bear it, not any longer.

Its been two years, but yet, it was just the same, been neglecting, been hurting, been played with such a sweet words, been under a shadow, been waiting for the same person. Come and go, it was just like a play. Yes, this sound stupid, sound horrible, but that was what i did before.

because the love made me blind, because the love made me deaf, because the love made me become foolish.

To left everything behind from the start wasnt easy. To change your phone number, and to let just a particular person to be keep in touch with you make you no longer have a social life. Its was seriously difficult at first. You left your world, you left your bestfriends, you left your friends, you dont know the world anymore.

The old phone number was given to my bestfriend, with a promise, if i ever turn back again, our relationship is going to be over. Who would do so? for a friendship that last for almost four years.

because of that, i never ask her to give back my phone number, because it was a promise, that use the sake of friendship, but i know, she's helping me in her own way.

The days were tougher than i thought. that person keep playing in my mind, but i never let it out to anybody, didnt even try to ask anyone about him, didnt even let my tears fall down because of him. so i keep busying myself with study, with works, in order to forget. I even let myself involved with sports, which i never do so. and which i hate very badly.

I learn to live alone, i learn to forget, i learn to forgive, i learn to let it go.

To turn and look back, i see myself there,
everyday, keep waiting for him, keep being there for him. keeping myself to be the most caring person towards him, keep doing everything that possible to make him actually realize that i am standing in front of him, would do everything that i could.

When he said he is sick, i would be the most worried person.
When he said he isnt in the mood, i would keep thinking, what was my fault.
When he said he wanna meet, i would do my very best to come even he was there in south, and i was here in north.
When he said no, i would say no too so do when it comes to yes.
When he said he likes this, i would try my best to be like that and when it comes to thing that he dislikes too.


but in the end,
' kite nie, ade hubungan ape? sy pun xfaham. ni mcm dah lebih dah ni '
' sebab ape sy xblh contact dye? sbb sy dikawal olh awak? '


You lost all the respect that i ever had for you. You arent the same person that amazed me two years ago. You dont even know your heart, just a typical boy who made a girl as an experiment. You lost everything that you have in me. because the pain, it is just too much. it is just so much.

When a girl fall in love, she will be the weakest person in the world,
but when she was dumped behind,
she grow to be the strongest person in the world.

Dont have the strength to write anymore. Tears that been hold on two months. here it goes.

but in the end, i know and i admit, for this two years, it was all my fault. from the very beginning.

my fault, my mistake.
I'm sorry.

You lost the love i love the most.

Husna, lupakanlah, lepaskanlah :)