Insane

I wont be able to post like usual

Kalau x, habes semua post yg keluar pathetic semcam.

This should be the last one.I guess -.-

3 nights in a row with tears.

That sound stupid isnt it?

Being a good stalker, this and that hurt even more.

Facts and fates, they hurt deeply.

Blaming the facts, blaming others, blaming Allah's fates.

Yet,Its nobody fault husna, its yours.

"He's lying."

No, its because you are too stupid, so you believe everything

"He made me fall for him."

No, its because you let yourself to fall for him.

"He said that he wont leave me."

Yes, he was. but Allah's fate is stronger than our own desire.

"He promised me this and that."

Yes, but he's too, yet a human. and human make mistakes, human do break promises.

"He hurt me."

No, its you, yourself. because you are not stronger enough to face it.

Cause every time you want to start a new beginning, you tend to turn back,

and yet, still have a hope.

"Its because ilovehim so badly."

Yes. you are, but love doesnt mean we gonna own them husna.

I guess, this what we call mentally ill.

Everyone, comes and goes, giving pieces to reassure me,lend a shoulder for me to cry on,

Even they dont know the whole story, but still come to give me strength

Giving advices, quotes, even dalil

But yet, i am still the same.

What should i do to myself?

But, giving an advice, its easy. Saying this and that its easy

Doing it, it need tremendous strength, and i failed to have that strength.

Sorry for not being myself.

Sorry for being this worst way of mine.

Sorry for not be able to be by your side farain hafifie.

Sorry for not giving you reassuring words when you failed your paper amin.

Sorry for not being a good listener farah syuhada

Sorry for being this brittle.

I guess, i lost everything.

I guess, i lost a soul.

Life as an 18 years old girl, that been ruined by myself.

For letting this and that happen.

For unable to control it.

Its been few months.

Yet everything is just the same.

It hurt so badly like its happened yesterday.

Those tears, it wont stop dropping no matter how hard i tried.

Its just really hard.

So hard.

To forgive and forget

Its just go easy by saying.

yes, its easy to put the blame on him, but it'll hurt even more.

its a long way to go

no, its a lie.

to achieve our ambition first

no, its an excuse.

Oh Allah, what should i do with myself.

Things getting harder day by day.

I dont wanna go astray.

but this hurt, its worst than everything.

I dont need a sympathy

I need PSYCHIATRIST