Mum asked me to clean my shelf as it is too crowded with books.
I hate doing this job as yeah, there are so many books there. and dust -_-'
While i was cleaning those books, suddenly i saw three diaries. Oh, it were mine.
You know that diary means alot to a girl or woman. She pours everything that she has in her heart in diary. I started to write a diary when i was seventeen years old. Dont know why, so eager to write everything inside it two years ago. So i began to read page by page.
Basically, there was nothing inside a seventeen-years-old-teenager rather than her loved one.
That name started to appear in every page of my diary at 6/6/2009.
How we begin to know each other. how i begin to fall for him. How and how and how.
Kinda funny. teheeee. First love maybe.
and then come to the next diary. it was one when i was at PLKN, and the content was just the same. that person and that person and that person. and in this time, not every page was filled with happiness. there was one page, made me remind and rewind everything.
Athirah Farhana Anuar, only you know, where my mind is everytime we have CB class. and only you know, what i write in our PLKN note book. Nothing else, but that person.
and the newest, when i entered UIA. everything was wroted there. how painful it was. how heartbroken i was. and my last entry was on 29 Mei 2011. Two days before i disappeared.
reading those diaries made my tears fall without needed an external force, something like suddenly your chest feel sharp pain, and it wont go away.
but, as i always say,
There's something stronger than our desire, its Allah fate.
and it may take years to actually understand it, but, accepting it, is not a choice, but it is an option.
Deep sigh :')
Thank you to each and eveyone that always be by my side when i fall for this love.
Istadartiah Shamsudin, for always lending me your ears for this almost two years and half tortured.
Athirah Farhana Anuar, for lending me your shoulders when i cried very badly non stop.
Farah Syuhada, for always be there for me, for always be by my side.
am going to burn this books. there will be no evidence for this fall.
*macam secret mission. hihi.
Yeah, there's nothing left. as i've let it go a month ago :')
Just, surely there will be something, deep in my heart. Memories that wont wash away.
..and Allah will not test His slaves beyond what he/she can bear.
..and Allah knows the best for His slaves, trust Him, rely on Him, have faith in Him, InsyaAllah, He'll bring you to the path that is far better than what you've imagined.
am not falling into the past back, just remembering the past that make me who i am now.
and i learn, this is not betrayal, this is because we never meant to be together.
thank you for letting me spilling out my happiness, sadness in you.
May YOU live happily ever after with that pretty lady. Amin.
and may i meet my Adam soon. InsyaAllah.
The first is not always the best,
but the best,
will surely become the last.
Fate, fares us better.
Fate fares me better :')